15:03 <Quaker> Badawi lays on her back in the bed of the truck, watching the stars pass. She can hardly see the Milky Way with all the light from the city, but she can still see Orion’s Belt. She wonders which one is Epsilon Eridani. 15:04 <tom> It's about a twenty minute drive back to the city from the reservoir. They're stopped at a light when Bob's heartbeat finally gets under control, collapsed in the bed of the truck with the back of his head resting against the cab. He fumbles with a cigarette. 15:04 <Quaker> This is the best moment. The one right after the job, when you can feel the money being put in your pocket, nothing to do but go spend it somewhere else. She’s missed it. 15:04 <Quaker> The moment where you know you’ve gotten away with it. 15:06 <Quaker> But, now, it’s mixed with something else. 15:06 <Quaker> Absently: “How’s it going, Bob? You still in one piece?” 15:07 <tom> The little fire lights up his face in the darkness as the cigarette blooms. There's a little bit of reservoir water sloshing around the bed, but he doesn't seem to mind. 15:07 <tom> His eyebrows go up, and he grunts something before patting down his shoulders, sides. "Physically." 15:07 <tom> "You okay? You got a wicked sunburn." 15:09 <Quaker> “Huh? Oh. No, I’m fine. The mirror ponchos worked fine.” She flexes her hand and rolls her wrist. “Just some red skin. I’ll go get a real tan to cover it up.” 15:10 <Quaker> “How’s your brain? That star had some real voltage. I woke up cutting myself a bit back there.” 15:11 <tom> "No more fucked than usual, yeah?" That gets a chuckle. He exhales, and the smoke streams off into the wind as the truck rounds a corner. 15:12 <tom> "I think we earned a break." 15:12 <tom> "You gonna get any writing in while you're off the clock? Been lookin' up your books..." 15:13 <Quaker> “No. I’m working, right after Christmas. Going to Mexico for a few months.” 15:13 <Quaker> “You read Spanish?” 15:14 <tom> "I didn't even pass twelfth grade English." 15:15 <Quaker> “Don’t you speak English?” 15:15 <tom> He waggles his palm. 15:16 <tom> "I think your kids' books are right at my level. Maybe a bit advanced." 15:16 <tom> "I uh, got an audiobook." 15:16 <Quaker> “Funny that you mention that.” 15:17 <Quaker> “Just wait until we get back to the Greybox.” 15:19 <Quaker> “Why have you been acting so awful to everyone lately?” 15:20 <tom> Bob: "My shit's falling apart right on schedule." 15:21 <tom> He pulls the cigarette from his mouth, works his mouth wordlessly. He gives up and replaces it. "Shit." 15:21 <tom> "Sorry." 15:21 <Quaker> “What does that mean?” 15:21 <tom> "I haven't spoke to Mari in like a week. She keeps finding little ways to avoid me." 15:22 <tom> "She can sense unhappiness. I mean like, actual sadness." 15:22 <Quaker> “She’s avoiding you?” 15:23 <tom> "I fucked up." 15:24 <Quaker> “Why?” 15:24 <Quaker> “I mean, what did you do?” 15:26 <tom> "I thought, you know, I would be happy. Hell, she's great. Better person than me by miles." More smoke disappears over the side of the truck. "Tiger can't change his stripes, I guess." 15:26 <tom> "I shouldn't'a tried to get close, after Boston. I shoulda just let her be." 15:27 <tom> "Now I'm just hurting her and I don't know what to do." 15:28 <tom> He takes up his visor in his hands and tries to ignore the little tremors in his hand as he folds it and stows it in his jacket. He looks tired. 15:29 <Quaker> “Hm.” 15:29 <tom> "It's okay. I know, I'm a piece of shit." 15:29 <Quaker> She crosses one leg over the opposite knee and folds her hands over her stomach. “How did the week without the visor feel?” 15:30 <tom> "Even more lonely." 15:30 <tom> "No way to escape my head." 15:32 <Quaker> “What did Mari say?” 15:33 <tom> "What do you mean? About the visor?" 15:34 <Quaker> “No, about feeling lonely. And that you’re hurting her.” 15:34 <tom> Bob shakes his head. "We haven't talked about it." 15:34 <tom> "I know that she knows that I know that... she knows.." 15:36 <Quaker> “Well, you can’t just keep not talking to her. Can you?” 15:37 <Quaker> “Isn’t she supposed to be your partner?” 15:37 <tom> His face does a funny little dance while he masters himself: "You don't think I haven't... tried?" 15:38 <Quaker> “Oh. Have you? What happened?” 15:39 <tom> The cigarette shakes in his lips. He talks around it: "I'm gonna make dinner when she gets home in..." he checks his phone. "...Four hours." 15:39 <tom> "I choked." 15:40 <tom> "I'm gonna give her the million. I don't need it." 15:41 <Quaker> “No joint bank account yet, then?” She laughs. 15:41 <tom> "Nope," says Bob. 15:42 <Quaker> “What did you want to say to her? Before you choked.” 15:42 <tom> He looks down at his boots, splayed lazily in the wet truckbed. "I can't relate." 15:43 <tom> "Look, Badawi, I don't- why are you asking me this?" 15:44 <Quaker> “Why not? It would be nice to see you two happy.” 15:45 <Quaker> She sits up. “Well, maybe that came out wrong. I just….you know, it can be hard. The job and…relationships.” 15:45 <tom> "Yeah." 15:46 <Quaker> “You can’t relate to her, you mean?” 15:47 <tom> "When you're writing your stories, you ever, like, have a problem?" Bob cocks his head. "How do you come up with a character that's supposed to be smart. I mean, like, smarter than you, the writer. A better person?" 15:47 <tom> "How do you, like, how do you make up someone better than you?" 15:48 <tom> "Yeah," he adds, finally. 15:48 <Quaker> “You’ve seen Mary Poppins, right?” 15:49 <tom> "Sure. I live it." 15:49 <tom> "This whole fuckin' country chim-chim-cheree." 15:50 <Quaker> “I always wanted to be like her.” 15:50 <Quaker> “Practically perfect in every way.” 15:52 <Quaker> “I suppose that when I want to think of someone inspiring, I just think of what I need in that moment. What would make me go on? And what kind of person could go on? And then I can just…write them. Even if it starts as a fantasy. Someone infinitely patient or kind of whatever.” 15:53 <Quaker> “You know, you can always work on things like that, is the thing. It’s just work, like everything else. But it’s not impossible.” 15:54 <Quaker> She finds what she was looking for on her phone and shows him: https://i.imgur.com/Nt0AtWW.jpg 15:54 <tom> Bob: "Haha, no shit, you read M.M. n' Owl?" 15:55 <tom> He shakes his head, trying to stifle his laugh. "You keep gettin' the jump on me." 15:55 <Quaker> “I like the art style.” 15:55 <tom> "It's so fucked. I love it." 15:55 <Quaker> “And I try to keep abreast of my field. You know, illustrators and such.” 15:56 <Quaker> “What is it about Mari that you feel like you can’t relate to her over?” 15:56 <tom> "Yeah well... I don't know what's left. I thought I had the fantasy." 15:56 <tom> "And it turns out I'm just too fucked." 15:57 <tom> "I'm listening to her problems, and I just... you know, you gotta know I don't wanna hurt her, ever, I just..." he slumps. "I didn't care." 15:57 <Quaker> “Uh huh.” 15:58 <Quaker> “Why, what was your reaction?” 15:58 <tom> "I don't wanna get too into it, yeah? That's a whole nother can of worms." 15:58 <Quaker> “Okay.” 15:58 <tom> "I mean I did all the things you're supposed to do, yeah? Tried to be supportive. That's my reaction. That's what I did, physically." 15:59 <Quaker> “Who *do* you find yourself relating to?” 15:59 <tom> "Monsters." 15:59 <tom> He flicks the cigarette out the truck. 16:01 <Quaker> “Hopefully only some of them.” 16:01 <Quaker> “Did you ever used to ask yourself what you’d do with a million dollars?” 16:02 <tom> That gets a weak smile. "Fuck no. I'd settle for way less." 16:02 <Quaker> “A million Missouri dollars or whatever, then.” 16:03 <tom> "I'd fuck off for good and never look back. But that was before." 16:03 <tom> "Now there's just one job, you know, and it's the only thing I can see myself doing, yeah? Going hard to the end." 16:04 <Quaker> “Yeah, but fuck off to where? You never thought through the daydream?” 16:04 <tom> "I dunno, somewhere with some cheap land, low cost of living. Stretch out the money as long as you can.." 16:04 <tom> "It's not what I want now." 16:05 <Quaker> “What, to die?” 16:06 <tom> "Sometimes. Mostly I just want the hurting to stop." 16:06 <tom> "You ever kill anybody, like not aliens." 16:06 <tom> "Jury's out on if those count I guess. We can ask Hyperclasm." 16:06 <Quaker> “Sure. Why?” 16:08 <tom> "It's one thing when it's like... okay here's a dude who collects torsos for fun. Okay. I can swing that. But then next thing you know you're not sure... is that heatsig on the monitor... is that a dog or a kid?" 16:09 <tom> He takes out a fresh cigarette and gestures, his hand diving down, miming an explosion by splaying his fingers. He lights it and pulls. 16:10 <tom> "We coulda saved those people in Seveneaves. I know we coulda." 16:10 <tom> "I coulda saved Liam if I weren't a pansy-ass." 16:10 <tom> "I can't even save Mari from me being me." 16:11 <tom> "Is the entire idea just fucked to begin with? That we can even save anyone?" 16:12 <Quaker> Badawi thinks about it for a while. 16:14 <Quaker> “Well, properly speaking…God has already saved everyone.” 16:14 <Quaker> “But to answer your question…” 16:14 <tom> "Oh don't you fuckin start-" he snorts smoke, coughing. 16:15 <tom> "Kha, khhaa." 16:15 <tom> He stifles the laugh. 16:15 <Quaker> “I’m a Hunter. A hunter must hunt.” 16:16 <Quaker> “Sometimes people are helped by it.” 16:17 <Quaker> “Do you know what actually helps?” 16:17 <tom> "Do you need me to paint some more walls in the community center," he adds, wearily. 16:17 <tom> "I'll get the rest of the patches to you before the concert. Fuck, I'll start when we get back to the box." 16:18 <tom> He purses his lips. "That's a fuckin' complicated-ass design, lady." 16:18 <Quaker> “I won’t say no, if you want to. But no,” she says. 16:18 <Quaker> “Peers. Equals.” 16:18 <Quaker> “Judgment you can submit to.” 16:19 <tom> "Good, because it's the same deal. I can whine all I want about how much a chickenshit I am, but then I turn around and I'm looking at something I did that really helped and I'm like... wow, this fucking sucks." 16:19 <Quaker> “Without it feeling beneath you.” 16:20 <tom> "Are we 'peers', Badawi?" 16:20 <Quaker> “I trust your judgment in many things.” 16:20 <tom> "You probably shouldn't, ha." 16:21 <Quaker> “Not every thing, but if I ask you and you give me an answer that I know you are qualified to give, I would take it to heart.” 16:21 <Quaker> “Who do you think is your peer?” 16:22 <tom> He mulls it over. "Kaga, maybe. He hates me, so, sounds about right." 16:22 <Quaker> “Kaga is a dog.” 16:22 <tom> Bob makes air quotes. 16:23 <Quaker> “Roughly.” 16:23 <tom> "I know that dude fuckin' sucks." 16:23 <tom> "He knows what he is, what he does, and he's good at it. Maybe Rolfie's closer." 16:23 <Quaker> “Judgment from a peer can be freeing.” 16:23 <tom> "I hate him." 16:23 <Quaker> “Who, Rolf?” 16:24 <tom> "The one and only." He sucks smoke. 16:24 <Quaker> “Mm.” 16:24 <Quaker> “What about me?” 16:26 <tom> Bob smokes quietly as he steels himself, visibly worried. Badawi knows this look. "You're gonna get mad at me, oh man. This sucks so bad." 16:27 <tom> "Mean sniper mom, you hella yelled at me." 16:27 <tom> "'F'course, I deserved it." 16:28 <Quaker> “That’s it?” 16:28 <Quaker> “I guess this place has made me pretty cranky sometimes.” 16:28 <tom> "I thought, you know, when you wanted to meet me in the park afterward... hell I thought I was gonna sit down and you'd just pop me from the rooftop. Good line of sight." 16:29 <Quaker> She looks taken aback. “I’m not an insane spree killer.” 16:30 <tom> "Nothing insane about it. Uncle Sam has deep pockets, and we're all about the ducats." 16:32 <Quaker> “I think I would work for Satan before I worked for the United States government, thanks.” 16:33 <tom> "It was that or be an assistant manager at a Wendy's." he shrugs. "Forever." 16:34 <tom> "Well, I pissed away my G.I. bill with that stunt in Boston, but I guess Soyjack's got us set up nicely for a while here." 16:34 <tom> "If ever find out what that guy's deal is." 16:34 <tom> we* 16:35 <Quaker> “We’ll find out when we get back.” 16:35 <Quaker> “But I mean…well, think of Aster. You trust him, don’t you?” 16:36 <tom> "Oh yeah. Dude hates my guts, so he's smarter than Willie at least." 16:36 <Quaker> “He might not always be the one you have something to say to, but he’ll give it to you plainly and honestly.” 16:38 <Quaker> “So if he looked at me in the eyes and told me that in his professional opinion, there was no saving those Seveaneaves people…for me, that would be that. I would be sad, but it would be the end of my doubt.” 16:38 <tom> "Horseshit." 16:38 <tom> "Give me a flamethrower and some stunners and I'll show you." 16:39 <tom> "I don't care if I gotta die to prove it." 16:40 <Quaker> “What are you going to do on your vacation?” 16:41 <tom> Bob quiets down. Badawi has to strain to hear him over the sound of the rushing wind, the thumping of the engine. "I'm tired. I'm gonna start by sleeping." 16:41 <tom> "I'll figure out my next move after I wake up." 16:42 <Quaker> “Good idea.” 16:42 <Quaker> “I’ve got six hours to sleep today, then I’ve got practice.” 16:42 <Quaker> When they get back to the Greybox, she gives him his Christmas present. 16:43 <Quaker> Every Anna Banana book, first edition and signed: “To my friend, Bob - A. B.”