14:46 <Quaker> Amjad’s van coasts down the highway, returning from the brick retirement home that doubles as the hiding place for some Manchester changelings. The older man is staring down the road, not at all paying attention to his passengers in the back. On the radio: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEQ4Wk4AQMY 14:47 <Quaker> Agostina has her hands folded in her lap in one of the plush seats in the back of the van, with her legs crossed and her eyes closed. She’s tired, but in a good mood. Good work. Got what she wanted, which is a surprise for her. She wasn’t expecting anything useful, or even bearable. 14:48 <tom> Bob is in the backseat, quietly going apeshit. 14:48 <Quaker> Her stomach growls. Maybe they should stop for something. McRib is back, supposedly. Once she sees an ad for any kind of junk food promotion its like a scratch God put on a phantom limb. 14:50 <tom> I mean, yeah, uh, we're doing great. Great. Can't start drinking until after he's done with the thermite shells. That's the smart play. He pretends to look out the window; there's nothing to see but grey. "God this country is ugly." 14:51 <tom> He taps his fingers on the armrest. "Is it, uh, pretty where you're from, Mr. Fayaz?" 14:52 <Quaker> Amjad: “I hear the winters are nice, once the snow falls. And the springs aren’t bad. You just have to develop a favorite season.” 14:52 <tom> "Yeah, way ahead of you," He chuckles. Puts his head in his hands. "What the hell just happened, Agostina?" 14:53 <tom> Back to Amjad: "You don't mind if we talk about weird shit, right, sir?" 14:54 <Quaker> Badawi doesn’t answer. She’s thinking. Amjad: “Do you mean Pakistan in general? Or Lahore, where my family is from?” 14:55 <tom> "I don't know anything about either..." 14:57 <Quaker> “Pakistan has about every sort of weather and terrain you can think of. It runs from the Himalayas to the desert in Balochistan. It is a very beautiful place, if you can tolerate the climate. It is just about unbearable in the hot season.” 14:57 <tom> Bob scratches back of his neck and falls into a quiet voice. "I spent some time in Iraq, is it like that?" 14:57 <tom> "Where I was was pretty... flat." 14:58 <tom> "Got any cool ruins? I always wanted to see Babylon, never got a chance." 14:58 <Quaker> “I don’t know. I’ve never been to Iraq.” 14:59 <tom> "Yeah, sorry, it's the only place I'd been outside America 'till this August." 14:59 <tom> He frowns: "Canada doesn't count." 15:00 <Quaker> “Of course. All the forts and paradise gardens of the Mughals at their height, Alexander’s colonies, Mohenjo-Daro…the government doesn’t do much to preserve the past, but it’s an archaeologist’s dream, from what I understand.” 15:01 <tom> Bob, who has seen the Bill Wurtz video: "Oh yeah, the Indus Valley Civilization." 15:01 <Quaker> “Well, the first one.” 15:02 <Quaker> “Is your fiancee Pakistani? Agostina told me she was Muslim.” 15:02 <Quaker> “And a medical student. Very lucky.” 15:02 <tom> "Her parents are from Lebanon. I don't... I don't think she's ever been." 15:02 <tom> "Thanks, she saved my life." 15:03 <tom> He kneads his hands in his lap. "I'm really not sure how we're gonna sell this one to the parents." 15:03 <tom> "You, uh, you ever have that problem, Amjad?" 15:04 <Quaker> “No, I never married.” 15:04 <tom> He looks quietly over at Agostina in the passenger seat, but doesn't press. 15:04 <Quaker> “My parents are long dead. I suppose that if I ever did marry, their approval would be moot.” 15:05 <tom> "Yeah but, you still go to... Mosque, right? Masjid?" 15:05 <Quaker> Badawi still has her eyes closed. “Does this mean the result of the hearing was not to your liking?” 15:06 <Quaker> Amjad: “When I can.” 15:06 <tom> "My boss said you were 'sabotaging' their alliance. Am I supposed to be stoked about that?" 15:06 <tom> Bob: "Before today I was pretty sure God didn't exist, now I think he does, and he hates me." 15:07 <tom> "At least I know I hate his customer service rep." 15:08 <Quaker> Badawi: “I doubt God hates you, seeing as you’ve been getting everything you want since you got here.” 15:09 <Quaker> “And that’s not God. Or anything close to it.” 15:09 <tom> He squeezes his eyes shut, but his voice is level: "I didn't want J-man to roll in and tell my friends he's the only game in town. That sucked, a lot." 15:09 <tom> "He was just getting off on it." 15:10 <Quaker> “So? His mistake.” 15:11 <tom> To Amjad: "I've thought about it, you know... did you know Napoleon thought about becoming Muslim when he invaded Egypt?" 15:12 <tom> "I don't think Mari'd go for it... but it might make her folks happy." He shrugs. 15:13 <tom> "Was it his mistake, though?" Bob looks at his feet. "He seemed pretty sure none of this is gonna bite him in the ass." 15:13 <tom> "Or else why say it?" 15:13 <Quaker> Amjad: “I’m afraid I can’t help you there. I’ve long given up any urge to encourage others to convert to anything.” 15:14 <Quaker> Badawi: “He seemed pretty arrogant. And narcissistic. Which usually makes you a pretty poor judge of reality.” 15:14 <Quaker> “What exactly are you upset about?” 15:15 <tom> To Amjad: "I know the feeling." 15:16 <tom> Bob fidgets. "Halfway through the meeting, his own advocate walked away because he was freaking her out too much." He swallows. "You saw it. You were arguing that by his logic, she had no right to escape her keeper." 15:16 <tom> "You didn't stop." 15:17 <Quaker> “I didn’t stop because he was making them disgusted and uncomfortable.” 15:18 <tom> Bob: "Aster told me to not focus on things that make me upset that I can't do anything about." 15:18 <tom> "They can't- they can't like, unsubscribe from Janny's fun-time alliance where the keepers are locked out." 15:19 <tom> "I mean you were there," Bob licks his lips nervously. "At Samhain. You saw the scroll." 15:19 <tom> "You may as well have just, like, thrown dynamite at the Tatterdam." 15:20 <Quaker> Badawi laughs. “I think you take the showmanship too seriously. If they want to change it, they can change it.” 15:21 <tom> "I don't wanna risk that!" Bob doesn't shout, instead groaning and gesturing ineffectually. "This isn't like, buying an insurance plan!" 15:21 <Quaker> “Do you know more about it than the King of Winter? He said that they’d grown complacent.” 15:23 <tom> "And that's enough to jeopardize- I don't think that works, Badawi. I don't think it's worth it." 15:23 <tom> "He showed up to gloatin their faces that they're basically his pets!" 15:24 <tom> "Obviously, if.... if we could, fuck that guy. Fuck him to death." 15:24 <tom> "But I got more riding on this than just, fuck the haters! Otherwise every Cheiron office in this failed state would be on fire already." 15:24 <Quaker> “What exactly did you expect to happen? You remember that they invited us, don’t you?” 15:25 <tom> Bob deflates. "I kinda hoped he'd say he was sorry and fuck off." 15:25 <tom> "Not really realistic, huh." 15:26 <Quaker> “Do you think that I would be happy if he said he was sorry?” 15:26 <tom> "Y-yes?" Bob offers, hopefully. 15:26 <tom> "That's the point of this thing isn't it?" 15:27 <tom> "Instead he just used it as an excuse to twist their nuts in a vice." 15:27 <tom> "And their nuts are my nuts now! That's what this whole fucking Oath thing is!" 15:28 <tom> "You get me?" Bob slumps back down into the plushy seat. 15:29 <Quaker> “Why would I be satisfied if your friends rigged this whole thing for me to have to take his fake apology and grin and bear it? When he attacked me, and they continue to do business with the worst people in the world?” 15:30 <Quaker> “No offense to your friends, but I really don’t care if their little face-saving exercise got a little too real for them when the people they invited to take part started to speak their minds.” 15:30 <tom> "Beggars can't be choosers. Look, I hate that fuckin' guy after today. Wow, he sucks so bad, haha," Bob puts his hand on his forehead. 15:30 <tom> Bob: "Okay, ah, can I get real, then, too?" 15:30 <tom> "You've never met my friend Joanna probably. Maybe." 15:31 <tom> "Fuck." 15:31 <tom> "I got, like, I can see through the masks now, since I made the oath." 15:31 <tom> "Every single one of 'em, all of 'em, they've been put through shit you can't even imagine." 15:32 <tom> "I've dipped my littlest fuckin' toe in the shallowest end of the pool and I am getting my mind blown hourly over here." 15:32 <tom> "And God says, here, let's just cloooose that door?" Bob mimes doing so. 15:32 <tom> "I'm not saying shit, even if God's a huge asshole." 15:33 <tom> "If anything I'm wondering why your fuckin' friends at the zoo weren't there to make a counter-offer." 15:33 <Quaker> “I can imagine it, actually.” 15:34 <tom> "Caaaaaan you though?" Bob squeaks. 15:35 <Quaker> Amjad glares at him through the rearview mirror. 15:36 <tom> Bob instantly looks ashamed. 15:36 <tom> "I'm sorry." 15:36 <Quaker> Badawi: “Yes, I can.” 15:36 <Quaker> “Are your friends adults? Killers, even?” 15:37 <tom> "Survivors." 15:37 <tom> "If they kill, its to stay alive." 15:38 <Quaker> Badawi laughs again. “I think that makes them more common than it makes them unique. Do you know anyone who is not a survivor?” 15:41 <tom> "I know a couple people who almost weren't survivors." 15:41 <tom> He works his jaw like he wants to say more, doesn't. 15:41 <Quaker> “How many people do you think they’ve killed to feel safe?” 15:42 <tom> Bob, softly: "Less than I did for a paycheck." 15:43 <tom> "Look, don't you- they're not vampires for God's sake." 15:44 <Quaker> “I think you’re misunderstanding me. I really don’t care if they kill people. I do think that they are perfectly normal, human-wise.” 15:44 <Quaker> “They all are.” 15:45 <tom> "If that Veil goes down, for any reason, it's all over. None of them will be safe." 15:46 <tom> "I think, then, I mean, am I crazy? For thinking that should be priority one?" 15:48 <Quaker> “Okay.” 15:50 <Quaker> “I’m not plotting to blow up your tree or something. They’re adults. They can hear what they’re doing spelled out in plain language. They want to hurt people to feel safe. Wow. What a scandal. Stop the presses. I do the same thing.” 15:51 <Quaker> “I got Mr. Knight talking because I’d rather see them with the Free Council than his group. Now they’ll check it out. Pretty simple.” 15:51 <tom> "Okay, but, you don't- you don't know if they'll even be able to uphold the whole... ritual thing. You don't even know fer sure if they want to?" 15:51 <tom> "What if the deal just falls apart cus'a this?" 15:52 <tom> Bob tries to frame his argument in his hands. "I don't know shit, okay, but I'm not trying to make plays like that." 15:53 <Quaker> …Seriously? She escapes from Argentina, the world capital of psychoanalysis and now Bob has to have someone lead him by the hand through his own mind? 15:53 <Quaker> “What are you talking about? The Winter King didn’t mention anything like that.” 15:54 <tom> "He said you were sabotaging their alliance. He's basically my other dad now, okay?" 15:54 <tom> "I kinda have to take that seriously." 15:54 <tom> "Well, more like a friendly grandpa." 15:55 <tom> "Look I just- the last time someone fucked up the ritual, that's how my girl got got." 15:56 <tom> "I don't really know what else happened, because she won't talk about it, and I ain't gonna ask." 15:57 <Quaker> “Jesus. He meant that it was uncomfortable for them because they made a deal with a psychotic, and their little ceremony blew up in their faces because I didn’t have a problem discussing it in the open, and neither did the psychotic. They want to appear mysterious and powerful and magnanimous — which you’ve internalized pretty rapidly, I should point out — and they were embarrassed because I didn’t just nod and say yes sir and Janissary 15:57 <Quaker> didn’t feel like humoring his junior partners.” 15:57 <tom> "They didn't know they were junior partners until he came in, big-dick swingin', like..." 15:58 <Quaker> “I think you are infantilizing them.” 15:58 <tom> He grimaces. "You think I like that guy? No, I'm boutta go yell at him all night in a field." 15:58 <Quaker> “They are just people, Bob.” 15:59 <tom> "Just don't put them at risk, okay? Just promise me you won't do anything that puts 'em in harm's way, yeah?" 16:00 <Quaker> “I don’t have a crystal ball.” 16:01 <tom> Bob snorts: "Really? You've never had to steal one for your nerds?" 16:01 <tom> "...I figured they'd be all about that." 16:05 <Quaker> She’s pretty clearly irritated, but she watches her tongue. “No offense, but I think you have some things to work out on your own with them. In the meantime, they’re very capable adults who have been doing their thing for a very long time, and nothing that was said today was even remotely new information to the monarchs or their lieutenants.” 16:06 <tom> "I s'pose you're right, yeah." He wrings his hands. 16:06 <tom> "I don't think they'd met him in person before." 16:08 <Quaker> Him fiddling with his hands has her roll her eyes. “Stop acting like you’re always so sorry and torn up about what you say! It just pisses people off when you end up not doing anything about it!” 16:09 <tom> "I am sorry. I'm just worried." 16:10 <tom> "There's a lot more moving pieces here than I understood." 16:10 <Quaker> “Look, if you’re so worried, why don’t you just ask them?” 16:12 <tom> Bob straightens up in his seat. "You mean if they can just cut the Pyramid outta their ritual?" 16:13 <tom> "Find a new provider for their wizard services?" 16:13 <Quaker> “Yes. Or if they want to. Or if they want to but haven’t, why they can’t.” 16:14 <tom> "I'll find that out for you, okay? I promise. I just- you know, this Gardener business." 16:14 <tom> "For a second there it felt like the whole city was on the brink of something." 16:15 <Quaker> “Don’t do it on my account. I just went there to get Janissary off my back. If they want to meet the Free Council, that’s their business unless they rope me in.” 16:15 <tom> "This whole thing just feels like it's delicate as a spiderweb, just one breeze off from coming unspooled." 16:15 <Quaker> “Yeah, about that.” 16:15 <Quaker> “We still have to set up bugs into Inchcape.” 16:17 <tom> "I've got some arduinos comin' in," Bob seems relieved to talk shop, arresting the bouncing of his knee with a firm hand. "I really appreciate your help. We've still got about seven or eight still missing. The cops picked some partial remains outta Seveneaves, so we don't know how many are in that count." 16:19 <tom> "...At this point it feels kinda moot, though. The odds of them being alive even a day after aren't good, and it's been weeks now." 16:19 <tom> "I feel like we missed our shot to do much other than count bodies, if they haven't already been mulched." 16:20 <Quaker> “Yeah. You should steel yourself ahead of time. There probably aren’t any survivors.” 16:20 <Quaker> “The bugs are more of a future-looking measure at this point.” 16:21 <Quaker> She tries to make him feel better. “I’m sure that it will help stop this sort of thing from happening again.” 16:21 <tom> "Yeah." He talks with his eyes closed. "It's cool. You nor Aster are therapists." 16:21 <Quaker> “It’s not like we missed anything on the Gardener case. Everything about that was set in motion long before we ever showed up.” 16:22 <tom> "It's embarrassing." 16:22 <tom> "I still haven't given up tryin' to save the world." 16:22 <tom> "That's the only part'a me that's not actually a bit at this point." 16:23 <Quaker> “I mean…I’m not your therapist. But I am your friend.” 16:23 <Quaker> “Otherwise I wouldn’t give a shit. I’d just tell you to shut up.” 16:23 <tom> Bob smiles and starts to chuckle before his nerves can overcome him. "You can still tell me to shut up." 16:25 <Quaker> “And no, the world is not going to be saved. By you or me. That’s just something you have to make peace with.” 16:25 <Quaker> “But there are things that help…” 16:28 <tom> He perks up: "Yeah?" 16:28 <Quaker> “How’s your cooking coming along? Any fun new recipes?” 16:30 <tom> "Gonna try maqluba tomorrow," he beams. "Looks fun. You flip the pot over." 16:31 <Quaker> “Oh, the chicken dish? Wow, that’s impressive. My neighbors used to make it all the time when I was a little girl.” 16:32 <Quaker> “See, it’s about…” She uncrosses her legs and leans forward. “Look, do you want some free advice? I know I’m kind of lax on being super normal, but I swear I know how to do it.” 16:33 <tom> "I would love advice." 16:33 <tom> "As you've guessed, I am all kinds of not good at this." 16:35 <Quaker> “Focus on the small things. Little things you can improve yourself in. Cooking is great. Or learn a language. Or read the Koran. Take up a new hobby with Mari so you can bond over it. You’re going to have shit nights. And obsessive thoughts. But the routine, the little things, help. And if you know something is terrible for you, try doing a little less of it every day. You still go on that website that makes you nuts? Or on social media?” 16:36 <tom> Bob immediately taps on the side of his visor. 16:36 <tom> "Aw shit, you got my ass." 16:36 <Quaker> She thinks of something. “Okay, you’re a changeling, right. You’re all about oaths and learning secrets, right?” 16:37 <tom> "That's a lot of it yeah." Bro they have so many oaths. 16:38 <Quaker> “Alright. How about, if you swear on an oath to give up your little visor when you’re not pulling a bodyguard shift or we’re out in the field, and the websites…for two weeks…I’ll tell you a secret about myself.” 16:39 <tom> Bob, narrowing his eyes: "No noob November." 16:39 <tom> "I'm in." 16:39 <Quaker> “That’s it? You don’t have to say a special promise?” 16:39 <tom> "I'm not actually magic, Badawi..." 16:40 <tom> Bob takes off his visor and rubs his eyes. 16:40 <tom> "I don't think?" 16:40 <Quaker> “Well, I don’t know. Your friends are.” 16:40 <Quaker> “Alright. You swear?” 16:42 <tom> Bob holds up his hand. "I will forswear shitposting for fifteen days." He goes 'aheh', and explains: "They fucking love like adding an extra day in there to their deals." 16:42 <tom> "All their shit's a year and a day. No idea why." 16:42 <Quaker> “And the visor.” 16:42 <tom> "And the visor. Gone." He folds it up into his pocket. 16:43 <tom> He looks really tired. 16:43 <Quaker> She takes out her wallet and looks for her ID card. Once she’s found it, she passes it to him. 16:43 <Quaker> The name says Susana Lajas. 16:45 <tom> He takes it in his hand and reads both sides before glancing up with a questioning look. "Another fake?" 16:47 <Quaker> “Yeah. But my actual most reliable work name. Proper documentation for that one. Anybody looking into it won’t be able to tell the difference. But it needs to be airtight. Google it sometime and you’ll see why.” 16:48 <tom> "Aw, I just lost my visor-" Bob sits back, handing her back the ID. "What would it pull?" 16:49 <Quaker> “Well, you can use it for this. Trust me.” 16:49 <Quaker> “Amjad, let’s go to McDonalds.” 16:50 <tom> :D 16:50 <tom> He tries very hard not to be visibly pleased at eating more trash. 16:51 <Quaker> If he googles the name, he’ll find the following on Wikipedia: 16:53 <tom> He does so, chewing thoughtfully on his fries. 16:54 <Quaker> Clara Hauche is the pen name of Argentine writer Susana Lajas. Lajas has published all her work under the Hauche pseudonym, including all nineteen books in the popular Anna Banana series of children’s adventure novels, which have sold more than twenty million copies.