21:14 <banana> There's a bit of movement in the building these days. Not enough to justify the electric bill, but only because it's arbitrarily tripled. 21:16 <banana> H.M. Treasury is not happy when the fixed costs of infrastructure go up by integer multiples, but some pioneering genius isolated the actual costs of DWP's headquarters from its budget when this move was forced upon them. Could've been anyone between Willie and the Minister herself. 21:17 <banana> So, when Willie comes in to wave the flag, she's not the only one around. There are a few offices and cubicles populated, meetings being held. Nobody wanted it.. but these things have momentum. 21:18 <VoxPVoxD> It was a collaborative decision. A lot of people contributed. That's the story Willie will tell until she's memoir age, if she gets that far. Abstractly she's pleased, though, by the slow revival of in-office work. She might be the only one in the department - certainly on her team - who was looking forward to the inevitable withdrawal of the full remote benefit. 21:19 <banana> A little later on she's got to do a standup with the UCR team and then arrange trainings. For now, she arrives in the executive corridor - the emptiest part of the building, three offices still totally unopened, as Curly, Roger and June have all managed to avoid the increasing pressure to Return and kept their support staff virtually with them. 21:20 <banana> Willie finds Olly, who doesn't have support staff, is her own office. He's got his own and doesn't particularly need anything from her, he just likes to work in there sometimes. 21:21 <VoxPVoxD> Willie also likes that! Having someone else in the room keeps her honest, and there is simply no replacement for the pleasure of someone's company. 21:24 <VoxPVoxD> "Good morning, Olly!" is how she greets him. She's brought pastries - chocolate orange scones! There's a basket of them in the breakroom but she's selected the best one to deliver to him personally. No coffee, though - she can't bring enough from home for everyone and it would alienate her from the staff not to be drinking the same machine swill they have to. 21:29 <banana> Bhojani: "Yes, good. Or I should say 'aye' now." He generously offers her her own chair. 21:29 <banana> "You've left your monitor on, so I can see you're up to three hundred unreads. How's November treating you?" 21:31 <banana> He reaches for a scone; the phone rings. 21:31 <VoxPVoxD> Willie's frown as she surveys the hellscape of her inbox is very small, but it is there. "Better than October, I suppose. Whole load of fuss--" Her phone-answering reflexes are still sharp, the product of Whitehall-honed entry level muscle memory. 21:32 <VoxPVoxD> If it's an internal call she says, "Willie here." but if it's an outside line she says, "DCS." 21:36 <banana> Willie's just had time to scan a few of the titles. More than one of them is about this secretary she's supposed to hire - ironic, in a place where everyone was once a secretary of some kind. Deputy Director Wellesley herself still gets called "Assistant Secretary" by the old timers - but no, this is someone to answer her emails. If only she had enough time to navigate the hiring process. 21:37 <banana> "Wellesley," barks the phone after she answers with her name. "Do you really think your people can do refactoring without either being or being seen as a landgrab? When did delivery become design?" 21:43 <banana> She knows the voice, of course. Martin Smythe (like 'writhe'), Director of the Employment Policy Group, her.. most rivalrous peer's boss. Something like an uncle, but outside of her direct hierarchy. DWP has five Undersecretaries of State - junior ministers - and they all compete for the Secretary's attention. 21:52 <VoxPVoxD> Ah yes, Smythe the Scythe, here to sow intransigence and reap credit once again. Willie steels herself with a breath. "Mr. Smythe! So good to hear from you. I'm happy to facilitate an exchange of views - I would never dream of ignoring the sage advice of such a weathered veteran of the Service - but I believe the question of remit has been quite thoroughly settled, as per the strategy 21:52 <VoxPVoxD> meeting, the annotated minutes of the strategy meeting, the memorandum précising the the annotated minutes of the strategy meeting, and so on." 21:56 <banana> Smythe: "We all know the memorandum in re: the annotated minutes contains whatever the spads direct that it should memorialise the minutes to have contained. I'm not making a process complaint, Miss Wellesley. I want to know what gives you the idea that a green team can actually do this thing without leaving us back at the drawing board five years later." 21:56 <banana> Olly Bhojani has this skill: he can eat silently and without visibly chewing. 21:56 <VoxPVoxD> She adores him for that. 21:58 <banana> Smythe: "If it's not billions wasted on fraudlent claims, it will be billions not issued and pensioners starving quietly, terrified. This is why we have experts." 22:03 <VoxPVoxD> She'll try to multitask while Smythe rants, filtering out the emails that are not immediately actionable or that do not require her most urgent attention. "I do understand your concern, Mr. Smythe. Refactoring is costly and labour-intensive, and your team had the historical right-of-way. It was the policy directive from the Permanent Secretary's desk that gave us the order, of course — 22:03 <VoxPVoxD> but it is the work my team has done, going back across six different Secretaries of State, that has cemented for me the idea that we are the best-equipped to compose and execute on the mandated deliverables." 22:04 <VoxPVoxD> "This is, quite simply, why we are here. It is what we are for." 22:05 <VoxPVoxD> This man's voice used to chill her blood. But he probably couldn't even survive being decapitated. 22:05 <banana> "Six secretaries," points out the Scythe, "and a single government. There was continuity of policy. Your team has never had to actually design new models." 22:06 <banana> There's a calendar popup: Willie's meeting is in ten minutes. 22:06 <VoxPVoxD> "There was a time when the same was true of your team, was it not? I don't believe the EPG appears by name in the Magna Carta." 22:08 <VoxPVoxD> He's got time for one more remark before she has to shut it down; he's earned that, for years of distinguished - of notable - of documented service. 22:10 <banana> The Scythe has no response to that, but he's dexterous enough to switch tracks. "You say this is supposed to be a settled remit, and in theory WDG's been in skunkworks ever since it became clear that some Minister was likely to issue the order. So how is the refactor going? Give me reassurance, unminuted, technical. Can we expect Galactic Credit?" 22:13 <VoxPVoxD> Willie: "A galaxy is smaller than the universe, Mr. Smythe. In achieving a truly Multiversal Credit, I believe we have recourse to bureaucratic string theory. But in complete seriousness, I am happy to provide whatever assurance you require, in writing. Unfortunately my calendar insists I can't experience the immediate satisfaction of walking you through our progress, so do drop me an 22:13 <VoxPVoxD> email and I will respond as soon as I possibly can." 22:17 <banana> Martin Smythe: "Your last email response was delayed by almost thirty-six hours. I suppose I'll have to hold my breath." 22:18 <banana> His voice is fading by 'have to hold', because a) he's using an actual desk phone, pre-VOIP and b) he's hung up. 22:18 <VoxPVoxD> Willie exhales just a bit. "'What can the harvest hope for, if not the care of the Reaper Man?'" 22:19 <VoxPVoxD> This to Olly, after she's hung up herself. 22:20 <banana> Olly's been filling in a survey while Willie multitasks. Or possibly designing a survey. "Rain." 22:21 <VoxPVoxD> "No shortage of that in Manchester lately. How's your family doing?" 22:24 <banana> Bhojani: "Ah, we leave each other alone enough to get along. The boy's finally stopped complaining about his ping now that you can go outside. He's met this kid from two doors down who promised to teach him how to make a snowman." 22:25 <banana> He grins - no sign of crumbs at all! "And how are you doing. How's..." Does Oliver actually know the name to ask about here? 22:26 <VoxPVoxD> Willie's typically quite circumspect about her personal life at work - she likes a clean divide - but Olly knows Sergio's name. 22:28 <banana> That's what he said, then. Olly has the impression that the relationship's got Potential for willie, an exciting thing which is consuming some of her time, but that it's far from certain to turn out. 22:29 <VoxPVoxD> "Good, I think! He's a bit swamped at work himself. I find myself missing him quite a bit when he's unreachable, which is preferable to almost all alternatives." That is how Willie feels too. She's got time to get another cup of heating-element-poisoned percolator coffee before her meeting. 22:32 <banana> Before Willie goes: "I've got the Scottish Choice people at 10:30. They're still asking to have the direct deposit thing extended to utilities. Are we in agreement that the current situation is a bridge too far and extending the bridge beyond another river is off the table?" 22:39 <VoxPVoxD> Willie: "Absolutely. Even setting aside that it bends UC by degrees into welfare for rent-seekers rather than renters, it is clearly a legislative matter rather than an administrative matter. Let the First Minister get her teeth into the Secretary of State if she wants to see a policy shift." 22:39 <VoxPVoxD> "If you sold tickets, the programme would pay for itself. Talk about deliverables." 22:40 <banana> Sturgeon of course is aware that the implementation of UC, a UK-wide benefit, is reserved to the UK Government. So's Olly, so he laughs, and Willie's off to make the next set of decisions. 22:41 <VoxPVoxD> And which one in all this fury of wildfowl pities the fish? 22:42 <banana> Decisions.. or maybe not? All she's got to do is lead a standup here. The UCR scrum master, Jones, has remotitis again, leaving his team hapless without someone to get them talking to each other, relaying blockers and estimates in no longer than two minutes each. Did Willie get her Agile training completed last year? 22:46 <VoxPVoxD> Willie did every training module available to her over lockdown, because it was just about the only thing available to her to do besides TV binging, doomscrolling, and alternately fucking or avoiding her flatmate. 22:50 <banana> It would have been difficult to do them concurrently. 22:50 <banana> Willie's pass through the main office space nets her a couple of greetings, raised mugs of tea and so on. Others keep their head down rather than draw the attention of management.. and many simply aren't here. 22:51 <banana> The UCR team are mostly on-site, though. Through the glass walls of their meeting room on the Rico ground floor, she counts only two people missing - Jones and Welsh Jones. 22:51 <banana> (The latter is merely a junior analyst, and has leave.) 22:55 <VoxPVoxD> Ah yes. "Good morning, everyone. Now:" 22:57 <banana> Seven variously-senior economists, modellers and social psychologists look up from their argument. Sounds like the latest design sprint didn't go well, contrary to what she's assured Smythe... although they know it, which goes a long way to avoiding error. 23:00 <VoxPVoxD> Willie continues, once everyone's attention is on her. "I've looked over our work product from the last sprint, and while obviously we haven't produced a finalised refactor I do want to highlight our facility with the process. I would put this team up as a model for the entire department, for any department, and that's why I am so confident that we will crack this problem together." 23:00 <VoxPVoxD> She doesn't smile as wide as she normally does, but, if she did it would look forced. 23:01 <banana> She can't quite make out who whispers "Crack's half the problem", although a couple of others look offended enough that it probably wasn't them. 23:02 <VoxPVoxD> She's not going to humiliate whoever that was in front of the entire team. 23:02 <VoxPVoxD> She will think about it, though. 23:03 <banana> August, one of the mathematicians, looks like he's going to volunteer to speak first. 23:03 <VoxPVoxD> He gets an encouraging nod. 23:06 <banana> "Right." The analyst pushes his glasses up his nose. "I've compared the output of our old models with the ML predictions, again, and the network is just not reliable enough. No matter how much training we do, if you backtest it on the historical data we do have, it produces ahistorical outcomes. I feel like my time is being wasted here and I'd like to move on to something else." 23:06 <banana> Technically, this doesn't require a response. The standup is a ten-minute thing to make sure everyone's aware of what everyone else is doing and the dependencies within their work. But if Jones was here, he'd surely have an opinion. 23:15 <VoxPVoxD> Willie: "Noted. I certainly don't want to waste you, but I don't have the bandwidth for the technical question. I'll calendar a 1-on-1 for you and Jones, and then the product of that conversation will tell me whether we need to keep at it or whether I need to explain to our exalted betters that our people need redeployment to be of maximum use." 23:19 <banana> August Phillips wants to speak up... but he doesn't. Willie's a grade 5, and nobody wants the standup to drag on. 23:20 <VoxPVoxD> She'll see him privately, then. 23:21 <banana> The next couple of team members are uncontroversial but equivocal. They've successfully determined that a number of plans won't work, and that certain seeming minor tweaks to UC would in fact risk upsetting the system for little benefit. 23:21 <banana> This is progress; knowing what not to do reduces the problem space you have to examine. 23:22 <VoxPVoxD> Yes, eliminating impossibilities is quite satisfying, particularly when it doesn't entail leaving innocent people to dry-age in Inchcape's larders. 23:22 <banana> Does Willie want to contribute that insight to the standup? 23:22 <VoxPVoxD> She really does. 23:22 <VoxPVoxD> Alas. 23:22 <banana> Her phone vibrates a couple of times in one pocket. Text messages. 23:23 <VoxPVoxD> Is the meeting done? She's not going to look at her phone during a 10-minute standup. If it were urgent, everyone's phones would be buzzing. 23:24 <banana> Next up is a middle-aged woman called Sanne, very blonde. She seems, in Willie's estimation, reluctant to talk about what she's been doing. 23:24 <banana> "..and I'll write up something over the course of the next sprint. Who wants to go next?" 23:25 <VoxPVoxD> Willie: "Could you give just a top-line summary before we move on? It doesn't need to be substantive, but I'd like to leave this room knowing roughly what to expect in terms of a write-up." 23:31 <banana> Sanne bluffs. Willie can tell that she's just giving a basic description of the sort of things she does in her job - some sort of sociology - not an actual detailed report of her recent activities. But nobody else seems too bothered, and the macroeconomist Porter is ready for his turn. 23:31 <VoxPVoxD> Another followup, then. 23:34 <banana> Porter explains, boringly, how he's developing various measures of inflation to link to the refactored credit scheme so that the thing will to some extent 'run itself' and adjust benefits in a nice objective apolitical way. If it works out, great. He does go on and on, though. 23:35 <VoxPVoxD> Willie is a quick draw with the praise. "Immensely valuable, Mr. Porter. I look forward to seeing the full report." 23:35 <VoxPVoxD> Then she does that sweeping eye-contact-with-everyone thing she likes to do as she solicits anyone who's yet to speak up to do so. 23:35 <banana> Willie's still receiving messages. Her phone doesn't support separate vibration patterns on silent, so she doesn't know who they're from. 23:36 <VoxPVoxD> Okay, now she's a bit concerned. "Actually, I think we can cut the meeting there. I'll let you all get back to work. Check your emails for followups. Right?" 23:38 <banana> Someone whose name Willie doesn't know says: "Yeah, all good, though I just wanted to note that I'm still waiting on the comparative outcomes data from the Home Office." 23:41 <banana> However, there's general agreement that all the important stuff is out of the way. A short meeting with usefully faciliated information exchange? They'll take it. 23:41 <VoxPVoxD> Willie: "Don't sweat other departments. We do good work because we keep our focus. Let interdepartmental followups be my and Olly's job. We've got your back. Dismissed." 23:41 <banana> Technically it's just Olly's job... but Willie's job is to make sure everyone's job is getting done. 23:42 <VoxPVoxD> That's right. Management is the oil in the gears. 23:42 <VoxPVoxD> Then she's looking at her phone as she strides back to her office. 23:43 <banana> Unknown number: <As expected, You have failed at the crucial moment> 23:43 <banana> Unknown number: <You have fucked up dogg> 23:43 <banana> Unknown number: <Dogg You have fucked up> 23:43 <banana> Unknown number: <Dogg fucked up have You> 23:43 <VoxPVoxD> Does this perhaps have a certain emoji-based prophecy in its conversation backlog? 23:43 <VoxPVoxD> Backlogg. 23:44 <banana> Yes it does. 23:44 <VoxPVoxD> <can humans do what prophets say?> 23:45 <banana> <I am not instructing You to do anything> 23:45 <banana> <It is I who will do> 23:45 <banana> <See if that spice is real. What else are You good for now?> 23:46 <banana> Olly's still out. Willie's alone up here, with the lingering scent of chocolate and hundreds of emails. 23:47 <VoxPVoxD> Willie: <I've been wondering that myself. who is this?> 23:49 <banana> <You only had to ask> 23:50 <banana> Willie receives an image. A selfie, taken in total darkness - must be somewhere sealed against the morning light, if it's in Manchester at all. The man's skin is pallid, ruining what would otherwise be a slim and attractive chest. Looks nude, though all you're seeing is waist up. Unfortunately, some trick of the flash and a bad angle renders him totally unrecognisable. 23:52 <VoxPVoxD> As she recalls, the man's face was not particularly worth immortalising. <the venerated Count?> 23:52 <banana> <What the fuck> 23:52 <banana> <You think I'm alex> 23:52 <VoxPVoxD> <I am considering it> 23:52 <banana> <Okay. Now I really am going to pulp You like an orange> 23:52 <banana> <Jesus christ, Woman> 23:53 <VoxPVoxD> <my strenuous apologies> 23:53 <banana> There's no further response. 23:53 <VoxPVoxD> She squints at the photo. Fortunato? 23:55 <banana> He had his shirt on when they met, and his face turned up instead of washed out by light, but the hair... that's not a common shade of red, even this close to Ireland. 23:56 <banana> If not Count, Baron? Probably yeah. Close enough to send out a squad car. 23:58 <VoxPVoxD> Ah, Christ. Why did she have to jump to a conclusion? Why does that urge to try and look clever persist in the worst of situations? <do forgive me, Baron Agecroft. I have been terribly distressed by my Many Failures and am not at my best> 23:58 <VoxPVoxD> Then it's time to focus on the things in her life that aim to put her in an early grave, rather than an imminent one.